Meeting you on the Beaches of the World
Older men are hot! Of course, at age 62 I’m going to be a little bias but there is a bias out here in the gay dating world against older men. What’s alarming it’s just not younger men not considering older men but older men not considering older men for dating. Here, I’m defining dating as going out, getting together to eat and/or attends some function (i.e. movies, play, festival) not a hook up.
Over the years I’ve heard Black younger homosexual men joke about older men, some of its funny while some of it is mean spirited. Comments ranged from questioning whether he (an older man) can get it up to calling older men “dirty old men” (for rocking the cradle) because they are out at the clubs. Now true, there are older men who do prey on younger men but by the same token there are younger men who prey on older men for what they can do for them.
Truth be told, in one’s youth, there’s always been a sexual attraction to older men. Not surprisingly, many older men as youths first started out having sex with older men so the relationship has always been there. However, at some stage of the “gay life” many guys in their early or mid-20 and 30’s don’t want older guys in their mid-forties and up around them.
For some strange reason many older men are seeking younger men not only for sex but a relationship. Yes, there are older men who only prefer older men but finding it hard to find ones who aren’t looking the same thing, older men. Some of these older men are doing the same things they were doing when they were younger (i.e. no commitment, cheating, lying).
True, older men tend to be set in their ways, have a “been there, done that and don’t want to do it again” mentality at this stage in their life they want more control in a relationship. Older men can be a little or a lot more stubborn, closed minded and inflexible because they’re tend to be more stable at this point in their life. However, younger people really don’t care that much about that; however, for older people wanting men around their own ages, it becomes problematic, opposing views on how to run the relationship.
On the otherhand, younger men find men around their age to be too immature to deal with so they go after older men. Now of course I’m generalizing or stereotyping but there is some truth to this.
Having given the backdrop to what I see going on with older and younger men attitudes within their age groups and toward each other’s age group the question is, where does ageism come in when it comes to dating. Here’s my take on it; Older and younger men tend to care about what their friends might think about them dating someone at opposite ends of their age scale. You have older and younger men believing older men should be with their own kind.
In dating, there’s the school of thought; Older and younger men wouldn’t have anything in common outside of sex. There’s also a belief out here that younger men have nothing to offer than sex to older men and they will use an older man for his assets. Also, there’s some truth that younger men are still “sowing their wild oats” and can’t be trusted to be in a monogamous relationship with an older man (then again, there are older Black men are open to having an open relationship).
The list of why ageism exists in dating between older and younger men can go on and on with neither side persuaded to have an open mind. Judgments, stereotyping and peer pressure makes almost impossible for younger and older men to not have any bias in dating each other. I believe men should just date men regardless of what others might think, put away their stereotypical mode of thinking and let it flow. Public opinions in the gay Black community should not dictate on who you should date, most of those opinions are probably coming from single men anyway.