A fear of Homosexuality has many of our Same Gender Loving/Gay Men of Color hiding in the shadows of straight Black men, only coming out at night to be with a homosexual man and his worth, his body. As grown-a** financially independent African-American homosexual men in our 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and on up many of us lie to our mother, father, brother(s), sister(s), cousins, aunt(s), uncle(s), grandmother(s), grandfather(s) and allow each one to go to their grave without knowing from the horse’s mouth that we are homosexual. Many of us lie to our friends, close co-workers, acquaintances. Those homosexual men who are married, have a girlfriend or date woman as a front to keep them from knowing we like men, we are homosexuals.
Being homosexual in most of our love one’s eyes, the Black/Hispanic community, the religious community believe homosexuals only have sex and not lives. Many straights see a man inserting a penis in another man’s mouth or a** is perverted, sick, unnatural but normal between a man and a woman. Therefore homosexuality is not normal. Many Same Gender Loving/Gay Men of Color believe the same thing and refer to their upbringing and The Bible as evidence, homosexuality is not natural. God made Eve to be with Adam not Steve is what many straights men and women believe. Also many Black & Hispanic homosexual men believe the same thing but the sex is too dam good to let scripture as they were taught to stop them.
Most people see homosexual men as effeminate and flamboyant. Homosexual men are everywhere doing hair, waiting on tables, wearing outrageous outfits, switching as they walk, holding their hands with a limp, gesturing with their fingers and finger popping, folding their legs like they were wearing a dress, talking in a woman’s voice, gossiping like women gossip. Many standup comedians have at least one gay character in their routine displaying those actions. In practically all television shows and movies the homosexual man is shown as an effeminate or flamboyant. This homosexual man is acceptable to the straight community to mock, to laugh at and to belittle because he is not consider to be a man but a character, someone to not be taken seriously.
Homosexual men are not recognized by many in the Black/Latino community as “real” men because they mess with men. A real man takes care of his woman and his kids and homosexual men don’t take care of a woman to be her man. Homosexual men cannot have children unless they impregnate a woman. Most SGL/Gay Men of Color will not have a child through a surrogate, nor adopt and they can’t have babies but a real man can give a woman babies. Real men know their role as a man, to be with a woman not a man. Real men are role models for young Black and Hispanic boys, showing them how to be a man, a “real” man. Homosexual men are not real men because a real man would not sleep with another man.
Why would a SGL/Gay Man of Color want to be seen as a homosexual when everything I mentioned is what society is seeing as a homosexual man. As long as homosexual effeminate and flamboyant stereotypes are out here Black and Latino SGL/Gay Men of Color will forever be hiding in the shadows of straight Black Men. They are not going away nor should they, effeminate and flamboyant men have always existed and will continue to exist. Biologically effeminate and flamboyant men are men and it's crazy to think anything else. I have heard some SGL/Gay Men of Color even saying a effeminate man is more of a man by standing out as they do. However this editorial isn't about them, it's about every other man in our community.
When are we going to be brave enough to live inside our truth and stop living a lie among those who love us. Despite the fact that there is still job and housing discrimination against homosexuals, many SGL/Gay Man of Color fear losing respect and disgracing their family if found out more. Society's image of Gay men isn't going away but we are allowing their perception to affect our relationships with our love ones and each other. It's sad that our fear of homosexuality has us sneaking around, lying, hiding and putting down each other to avoid the truth. It's not about being out as it is about being proud of who you are. You don't have to wear the label of gay if you don't want to, just stop being ashamed about you loving men. There are enough images of our diversity to not fear homosexuality, hell you date and sleep with them!